I wonder how different the psyche of the next generation is going to be with lifelong exposure to services provided by computers and technology.  The high level of technological involvement in daily dependency developed entirely within a single generation (half-generation really.  According to current life expectancy data, I am 5% shy of the halfway mark.  I was born into a world where computers were very new and very far from daily integration.  Cassette tapes held music, the telephone is still tethered to the wall, and the internet has yet to be invented.)

What I find fascinating is that voice control, internet speed, and availability is teaching children the important lesson about the representation of things unseen.  This is a hard lesson to grasp- how something can stand in for another thing.   A concept that takes a long time for humans to understand, practice, and eventually apply organically.  The representation doesn’t have to look or feel like the real thing for us to inherently understand this concept of simplified symbolism.

With this lesson already learned and applied at a young age, I wonder how this early involvement with abstract thinking will evolve in the psyche of the next generation.  Will abstract concepts in general be are easier to extrapolate?  Will art be more prevalent since the concept of representation is so well understood? How will this shift in consciousness affect religion?  Can we culturally be more accepting of other people with a broader range of understanding?


Eulogy for a Celebrity

I don’t understand how a person who could inspire so many people, who possessed the single-handed ability to stir up so much passion among the masses, a person who inspired an entire generation of cooks, chefs, and hospitality industry personnel, could hate themselves to such an extreme extent that they end it by self-strangulation. This contradiction is so unfair that it sucks the wind out of my sails, leaving a feeling of discontent stillness, a feeling of what the fuck?  How could he not feel the joy that he gave to so. many. people?

I am not alone in not being able to understand this dichotomy.  True, he was not a pinnacle of stability: he was a bad boy, went against conventionally constructed rules, he unapologetically bulldozed his own path, but nobody thought his mild on-camera destruction was indicative of a very deep level of self-destruction.

In his narrative, the underdog is always the hero.  In his narrative, the humblest of foods are the most complex.  Food is life, and no one explained and demonstrated that better.  He did not laud the best chefs in the best restaurants, he did the exact opposite.  He went into the streets, into people’s homes, he interviewed the outcasts of the culinary world.  He opened up a new social consciousness by exposing culture, both socially and politically, through a bowl of food.

His other impact, one that I personally encountered, was his strong influence on this generation of chefs and cooks.  Every single person that I know, every colleague, has been greatly inspired by his books and were continually impressed by how he rose above kitchen stardom to make food meaningful on a large scale.  Everyone wants to be him and he remains a role model for an entire industry.  His original viewpoint on what makes food great, his eloquence with words, his ability to take the industry and completely change it with a simple book is what makes his career so impressive.  His passion reached into our hearts and ripped them open with a sheer love of what food represents and what it gives.

I, like everyone else that I know, am weirdly affected by his passing.  Yes, I did meet him once, and yes I read his books.  And yes, they definitely helped prepare me for the restaurant world:  I do not think I could have thrived in the professional kitchen without his tips. His premature exit of this world has left a large void forcing us all to realize just how much his work has affected us.

I want the focus of his legacy to be his belief that food should not be taken too seriously.  Food is a reflection of a larger thing.  It is an experience.  It is tangible love that you share with people that you care for.  Truly, food is not about the newest restaurant with the trendiest flavors.  It is not about your dishes in magazines and likes on Instagram.  At its core, food is a reflection of people, it is a way of life, it is an artistic expression of a person’s surroundings.

Anthony, you affected more people than you could ever imagine on a deeper level than you ever intended.  I am sorry that we did not tell you this in a way that could make you happy.  Food sustains life, it should not lead to destruction.  You of all people know this the best.  The tragedy of this story is hard for me to swallow.

Fun Fact

“I would define my inspiration behind my art as a constant drive to not make something ugly. As soon as I start the piece, it’s a battle against nature to not create something is not pleasant for the eye.  I try to breathe life into my pieces with the mantra: how do I make this less ugly?”


Announcement Here

I know how much you all love Marigold, and I get it, you are starting to wonder- where is the food?  You used to post so much concerning this wonderful topic!  Get a glass of wine in this girl and she literally never shuts up about it!

Well my dedicated readers, I have heard you.  My food-loving fiends, I have not forgotten about you.  My ever hungry audience curious for more from this mastercraft of the whimsical, I am not ignoring you.

I am tickled to announce that a new food blog has already been born.  Marigold has a sister, and it is all about cooking!  While still under construction, this blog is more than a concept, it is a metaphorical location.

Stay tuned, and stay hungry.


I have a secret that I haven’t told anyone- not my lover or even my mother.  I don’t even want to admit it myself.  I have talked so. much. shit. about the restaurant life, about how pastry is underrated, how it doesn’t pay, how I am never going back.  My goal for 2018 is to get out of the professional kitchen and find a more comfortable way to make money from my love of food.

Not even 2 months into the year, and I am starting to have feelings again.  My mind has developed a wandering eye.  I don’t miss the late nights, I don’t miss the stress, I don’t miss having to babysit coworkers, but goddamnit I miss making desserts.  I miss making beautiful plates.  I miss thinking creatively about new ways to do things, new ways to serve them, new plating styles.  I miss the excitement of selling dishes that I created.  I miss trying to make them look pleasant and curious.  I miss playing with a range of flavor and combining them in surprising ways.

So there, I said it.  I miss it.  I do.  I even find myself looking for job postings, dreaming about jobs that are too hard, promising long hours and a long range of requirements, most of which is not the fun part of creating.   Because there is still a small part of me that believes that I could do it.

But then I realize that I get to have a life and freedom to do all the other things that I want to do.  Which is a lot of things.  Normals things, like cooking at home, and drawing, and writing.  And being social.  This I would miss.

As for now, I am enjoying the easy life of unemployment, all the while feeling restless, feeling guilty, feeling like I should be contributing something more.

COnflicted and a hypocrite, that’s me.


Bedside letter

Dear Marianna,

I am sorry, but lately I have been saying some things that most people, including yourself, might not agree with.  Ok, that’s not true exactly- I am saying things that you never would say out loud. Truth is not a click bait, acceptance of reality sometimes needs a full lobotomy.


Realistic Image

Advertising is everywhere.  I was listening to a podcast and the program challenged the audience to count how many advertisements they saw in a single day.  I have not accepted this particular challenge because I am not sure that I can count that high.

I know that everywhere you look companies are trying to trick you into buying something. This is a fact that I accepted a long time ago, and I can say that for most of the time advertisements don’t really work on me.  Not only because I don’t have extra spending money, but also because I know its a trick.  And mostly I don’t want extra stuff.  I like my space to not be cluttered and I hate getting rid of something that I spent money on.  Blame it on my Dutch heritage, but I am a true penny pincher.

The worst part of advertising is the unreal portrayal of female beauty.  So much of your worth of a female is based on your looks.  For men, it is based on how much money you make in life, but for the female, it is about weight, makeup, skin, boobs, hair, jewelry, fashion, and shoes.  I know that the images are photoshopped, I know that the models are teenagers, I know that a lot of women get boob jobs- but my knowledge does not matter.  I still compare- I still look at myself naked in the mirror and pinch my fat, lift up my boobs, consider spray tanning, I want to dye my hair, I need to stay on my diet.

I am lucky though because these are passing thoughts, then I get dressed and remind myself that I am hilarious, charming, and one of a kind.  I don’t need a certain pant size to make an impact in the world, I don’t need the perfect body to find love.

It’s not because I am more mature than women around, it is because I am a realist, because I live in the world and I look around.  This is one reason that I am glad that I live in a city, it gives a larger base of comparison.  I look around and I see how women actually look, and I see very few models.

But what about the ladies who live in smaller towns, who don’t have the comparison with the world at large?  These are the women who I feel for, who only have ads as a base for their self-worth.