Category: computers

Mechanical Dreams

I am making up for not completely understanding modern technology (or not understanding at anything all)  with my plan to bypass the actual learning part, and instead becoming a robot- as you know.  I have talk about my magnetic fingers: If Magneto Were an Ordinary Girl, I have discussed how google is replacing the old concept of church and god: The Oracle and Matrix meets Dr. Who

My co-workers are well aware that I am currently working on learning robot language- a communication system based on beeping and booping sounds primarily- I am already at the intermediate level.  I am already well versed in the use of sonar technology in robotic linguistics.  My transformation is going as well as can be expected, given that this is not actually a thing yet- currently rooted at the theoretical stage.

I have to admit, though, that I feel guilty when I am signing up for something online or interacting with a website, and I have to check that box that says “I am not a robot.”  It makes me feel guilty, in a way, that I am betraying my commitment to being replaced with a robotic version of myself, in order to continue to be relevant in the modern society, because I have to tell the website what it wants to hear.

Piecing Together the Password

You go to log into one of the million websites in which you need a password, and upon demand, you must contrive a password the is long as the Great Wall of China, as complex as Pan’s Labyrinth, as complicated as calculus, as unique as an individual’s voice. I had a entire notebook devoted to password records, but alas I misplaced it.  I would make a spreadsheet, but that is password protected.

A lesson in why password questions are unfair:

Parents wedding anniversary- doesn’t count

First job you were a manager- doesn’t count

A day that has special meaning- doesn’t count

City your father was born- doesn’t count

Best childhood friend- I have two

Favorite radio station- who listens to the radio?

Nickname of my Grandmother- you have got to be kidding

Favorite cuisine- all of them?

A relative’s telephone number- seriously?  that is a stretch.

Day your first child was born- …

Name of your first niece- Finally!  One down, two more to go until I unlock the hidden secrets of something entirely mundane.  Good to know that hacking into my interweb life that is full of meaningless details is harder than breaking into my house.

 

Get with The Program

So I have internet on my mobile phone- a device that resembles a mini computer more than a communication device developed for talking and used mostly for silent communication.  How come my fancy pants tablet which is, in fact, a full blown and very capable computer (top notch modern it has a touch screen like my mobile phone) does not have the ability to connect to the internet automatically without a hotshot, virtual link that you physically clink on, outside modem that blinking out its messages to invisible sphere of the internet’s cobwebs?  Does this seem backwards to anyone else?  Technology is so advanced in some aspects, but so lagging in other parts.  This limbo is strange, when everything is unevenly striving to catch up, patched together like a mismatching quilt, haphazardly sewn together with any regard for the pattern.

Say it like it is

All this hype around cell phones and people don’t even use them to talk.  When was the last time you had a conversation on the phone?  These pocket computers are so expensive and advanced and supportive of your career, personal and expressional life, why don’t we call it what it really is?   Honestly, it’s hardly a phone.  I mean the reception sucks consistently, plus nobody wants to hear your conversation, (please kept your eyes glued to the tiny pocket screen at all times) why are we still insistent on calling that pager a cell phone?

Beep beep, now who is making fun of the girl walking around with a pager on her belt.

Autocorrect yourself out of existance

I hate autocorrect with my whole heart.  Seriously why do I have to retype a word 3 times for it to come out the way I want? Also, if you change the punctuation at the end or accidently press space, next thing you know I am retyping the same word 7 times.  Its exhausting and really hard not to loose your chain of thought.  The automated corrections are so demanding and intrusive.  I don’t even know you, autocorrect, back off.  Get a clue.  Why are the corrected words not underlined anymore?