Category: relationships

A Toast for My Friends

Sarah Lucille has changed my life.  I can say with confidence that everyone in this room can related to and understand this fact.

Like all of her closest friends, I met Sarah in the water.  Our friendship grew through the mutual struggle in competitive swimming, our respect for each other blossomed in countless hours bouncing back and forth off the pool’s walls, trying with all the might in our skinny arms to be the absolute best swimmer that we could be.  Despite the stress, competition, emotion, and simple act of growing up, Sarah was without a doubt supportive, encouraging, engaging, smart, well rounded, and of course, excited.

Sarah Lucille changed my life when she introduced me to the world of synchronized swimming.

We were both at of U of M, a large and intimidating university not very much like the smallish city from whence we came.  In trying to carve out a sense of self,  it was very intimidating to be in a sea of students, all the same age, and everyone really good at something.  I personally was so average in intelligence, so below average in social skills, so under coached in how to fit in, but so ready for the challenge of starting out my adult life away from the coziness of my where I came from. I wanted to find a niche, a way to make the experience negotiable, I wanted an extracurricular to fill in the gap between school and the new found party life.

A few weeks after synchro practice began, I got a call from Sarah telling me that I have join this team.  She raved about how you didnt need any experience to join, about how great the group was, how beautiful the olympic sized pool and diving well were, how this top notch facility would let us swim in its glorious pool.  She really saw the potential in the team. That little push was all it took for me to dive into the strange world of synchronized swimming- sport that blends ballet and water polo.  I can say with confidence that if it wasnt for Sarah, I never would have joined, I never would have stuck with it, I never would have the honor to consider myself a member of that team.

Seriously, I am sure that no one knows too much about this obscure sport, so let me give you a few details.  Its like dancing in water, it’s being graceful while looking like a wet dog, it’s defying all natural instincts when you are faced with the water: you keep your eyes open, you have to maintain a clear sense of direction while also upside down and submerged underwater, and you have smile all while wearing a sequenced bathing suit, have your face painted with clownlike make-up, and your hair literally glued to your head with gelatin.  Most importantly, you have to stay clear headed and in control while under pressure, underwater, while wet and confused. You cannot touch the bottom, you have to count music the entire time, and you have to copy the movements of seven other people.  It sounds impossible and it felt like that the entire 4 years I was on the team.  In the beginning, we would be SO proud when there was just a few seconds of actual synchronization.

This was an extremely hard sport, but good lord did we have a good time.  We had a lot of adventures and I learned more about myself then than ever before or since.

Being a part of this team is the single most important event of my college years.  I would not be the same person today  if I was not able to be on this team and share this traumatic event with Sarah.  And just like in highschool, she was fun, encouraging, creative, energetic, supportive, engaging.  Never critical, needy, judgemental or negative.  She always wanted me to succeed and be a great swimmer and pushed me to keep on trying even though I had no natural talent nor grace.

In getting to know the other bridemaids, it has been stated again and again that Sarah has helped everyone push there boundaries, to encourage everyone to try a little harder, go a little further, never give up or give in.  She has made people stronger, more confident, more talented all with in her style of happy encouragement and determination.

Sarah has an infectious personality that spreads cheer, joy, and optimism throughout every situation.  I can say with confidence that everyone in this room can relate to and understand with fact.

Sarah has a level of enthusiasm for life  and consideration for friends that has been unmatched.  Until I met Cy.  It did not take a long amount of time for me to realize this.  As soon as I got to know Cy I was convinced that Sarah met her perfect match.  Being with both of them together makes to best of times great, the happiest of circumstances hilarious, the simplest of events remarkable.

With all the stress and overload of details leading up to the wedding, with taking on the silly task of catering their own wedding, welcoming old friends from far and wide, setting up family and accommodations, filling up her binder with all the details, there has never been any moment of doubt that this wedding is not the best idea ever.  It is so inspiring to see a couple so perfectly matched and so damn ready to shared their vows,  without a trace of doubt in their decision to pledge a lifetime dedication to the other person.

Cheers to friends who make you a better person and cheers to the inspiration found in love.

Thank you Mrs Hans and Mr Van Wesep for including me in your celebration.  I look forward to your shared shennagins and adventures as married couple.  Love you both and am prividelged to have you guys in my life.


The When for the Why

Words and wishful thinking work when worry wears you weak.

Without wisdom the war against the waiting whittles you wicked.

Don’t weigh on the wane, waltz into wax wildly without weight.

Wonder the want, wail to win.

Wallow in warmth, wrestle worry into whispers, whoop your wishes when the why wails.

Diamond Engagements or Unnecessary Expections

The social pressure to get married is putting too much stress on relationships.  Couples are trying too hard to fulfill this romantic gesture then they are putting into having a meaningful bond with someone.  We are too caught up with getting to home base that we are not appreciating the journey.  We are losing sight of reality with this pressure to wear a fluffy dress, have a diamond adorn the finger, have a million pictures honoring your special love.  True love is amazing, but so is your connection to another person.  True love is amazing but we need to be reminded that is very special and extremely hard to find.  You cannot have it both ways.  You cannot have a super special type of love that everyone shares.  Yes you can hope for this, but is should not be deemed as inevitable, as something that will definitely happen to you.  I am not saying that we should not have marriage, I think that people should maker it less of a life goal.  Oh, poor soul, she never married, they say. Fuck that, lucky that she never settled. I will search for true love until my last breath, I will love many people along the way, I will enjoy the lovers that happen into my bed and into my heart.  I will embrace that which I learn from my partners, I will be happy with sharing their point of view, with experiencing the feelings of companionship.  Do I need a diamond to make a million dollar smile on my face?  To feel fulfilled with my life?  To validate myself as a successful member of society?

Daylight Saving’s Sunset

The street light shines like a false moon, highlighting the lovers on the beach.  Lovers in the autumn are different from lovers in the spring.  It is less flirtatious and random, more established and deep, like the matured color of the autumnal leaves.  Chilled walks along dimly light beaches, enjoying the empty landscape void of curious spirits and energetic footsteps, the mood is subdued.  It is not the beachfront of summer, where adventure and the impressionate beauty of the natural world create a flutter of intrigue in the heart.  This early sunset, and the long still night ahead, is for lasting lovers, it is for those who are not reliant on the inspiration of the environment to spark the beauty in the scene.


Chocolate Cake, Coconut Frosting, and Mango

I have another niece on the way, she is busy brewing in the belly currently.  She is already fighting to get out, ready to match her rambunctious older cousin.  I can’t wait to meet her and watch her grow up and see how she changes the world.  Both of my nieces have the best parents imaginable, and I feel so special that I get to be a part of the munchkins lives.

Today we are celebrating my new niece’s mother in particular, showering her with love, support, and all of our best wishes.  As a token of what I can contribute, which is mainly food, I am making a chocolate cake with a hazelnut crunch layer, coconut frosting, served with a mango compote.

These are the flavors of the mom, her personality simplified into a dessert.  Its all about the tummy today!

Modern Love (un)Story

I have to tell you about this man that I met.  Seriously he is dreamy.  He’s perfect I swear.  He is tall, dark haired, cute enough to crush a teenage heart.  He is just the right size- large enough to make me feel secure, small enough to wrap my arms around so that I can hold on to him easily.  He’s the anchor to my floating spirit.  He’s a machine man and I am his fairy girl.

He has these soft brown eyes that sparkle with a deep intensity like peering down into the deepest part of the ocean.  Marianna’s Trench, his eyes have a deep magic to them, a charming flash that shows an enigmatic intelligence below.  There is nothing shallow about those eyes.  He has a killer smile, gravy style, a lightness to his personality that makes him seem carefree.  He is imaginative.  He has a streak of whimsical. He doesn’t take himself too seriously, but he is an overachiever.

He has a real job.  A good job.  He has a lot of friends, close family, and a good American life.  The chemistry between us is like Tesla’s flash.  It’s electric.  There is not any space between us and we just met.  I have never believed in love at first sight.  I have never experienced it.  Love comes with time and involvement.  But him.  Oh yes I feel it.  I know what people are talking about when they see someone and in that first instant they know that they are special.

I was not going to talk to him I swear.  I was there at the bar downtown to be alone and have a moment to myself.  I needed a cold brew to relax before heading home.  But that flash.  That glimpse.  That love at first sight.  One casual comment lead to hours of talking and connecting.  I got his name and number, and like every women in 2015 I immediately set to the internet to find out everything I can about Prince Charming.  What I found was completely and utterly shocking.  Not only is he was successful as he seemed to be, we happen to share a similar group of friends.  I am not fucking with you.  Seriously, he is friends with almost the entire group of people that I have very recently met.  Honestly have no idea how this is even possible.  Its a small, crazy, beautiful world that we live in.

I think about him and I look forward to seeing him, to hug him, to see that sparkle jump in his eye, to experience the magic in his smile.  I want to know how his day was, what he is going to have for dinner, if we can talk for hours again over a nightcap at the local bar where I found him.

Am I going to call him today?  Nope.  Tomorrow? Nope.  Ever? Nope.

Why not?

He’s not my type.

Outward beauty must always be considered

I wonder if I tried harder when I was younger to be pretty, how different would my life be now?  I worked hard my whole life, but the payoff is not there.  It doesn’t really matter, I make no money and am only relatively happy.  What if I put that much energy into beauty, feminism, socializing, and flirting?  Would I be married with a good looking and relatively successful husband?  Would we have children and move away?

I look at my skin, and its worn.  Its red and splotchy, its blue and looks like a permanent bruise.  My finger nails are raggedy, my manicure has been reduced down to a 4 finger paint job, my hands ashy.  You say, well at least you know how to cook, that goes a long way.  But it doesn’t really.  People eat out, people eat pasta and cereal and are content with that.  Who cares about a gourmet Paleo breakfast and dinner over having a successful partner that owns designer shoes, someone who can afford the time and money to get a massage, go to the gym, make salon appointments, drink high class wine, can go on vacation with you.

I can’t help but wonder how different things would be if I tried harder to be a female, instead of seeing self adornment as a waste of time.  I have been a beauty minimalist most my life, with the most time and money spent on outward appearance being currently.  I don’t see it as a waste or silly or unimportant or as a way to continually suppress the female by keeping her distracted.  I see it as power, as a way to dominate and gain respect, as a way to better oneself.