Tag: environment

Be Who You Want To Be

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Halloween is the one chance you get during the long year to embrace a character in your personality that doesn’t fit into the daily routine.  It is the opportunity to search the corners of your character and augment an aspect that normally goes unnoticed.  You are not exactly this thing that you are representing today, but also you are not the embodiment of said character.  Appreciate your own irony, be happy about the complexity of your morale.  Halloween is the chance to explore a part of your soul that has largely not been introduced to society.  It is a whimsical experiment to help you continue to define your fluid identity.

Halloween is a time to face the morality of yourself.  Life is about living, but society is about fitting in.  It is good to be a part of the community and beat the same drum line as everyone else.  But we get carried away with this cultural assimilation, we get so swept up in the tide of routine, fashion, and convenience, that it is hard to be separate and twinkle like an individual star.  Thus, this American holiday is the time to embrace the parts that maybe you want to change, maybe be the person who you can’t be in the normal life. It is the chance to be the something that you are not before you shuffle off the mortal coil.

This year, I choose to be the villain in the story, yet lover to the superhero, defender of mother nature through questionable and dangerous tactics.  Suitingly ironic for yours truly.  This year, I will dress as perhaps a feminist role model, Poison Ivy.

She is amazingly captivating, her role dualistic, her motives compassionate.  Poison Ivy is the nemesis of batman, and yet if it wasn’t for her Achilles heel attraction to the Dark Night, she would have prevailed in poisoning the powerful man with a simple kiss.  That power is so romantic, feminine, and seductive.

Her super power exists in something greater than the muscle of Batman.  Her power is in the botanical knowledge of the genetical makeup of plants to create super poisons and venomous potions.  She manipulates natural toxins for evil.  She uses mind controlling pheromones to hypnotize her enemies.  I don’t believe in physical violence either, Miss Ivy.

She is ultimately trying to destroy your superhero for the benefit of the world at large.  Her motivation is to protect the natural environment.  We have demonstrated time and time again that we as humans and as a first world nation cannot be counted on to be aware of the one world we are given.  We don’t even recycle, let alone protect out precious resources, we let water run beyond marathon status, we create trash like we consume television.  Non stop.  We are so focused on our daily bread that we are not considering the future of this amazing plant.  I do wish we had a villain that would do it for us before nature has her way.  Nature is not compassionate like Miss Ivy. Nature will not save our modern-day hero, she is going to choke us all out.

I am poison ivy because everything I touch gets an icy chill.  My touch is poisonous, my motives dark, my seduction daring.  My fame is occult.  My weapon of choice is natural.

I am an eco-terrorist today to console my hippie soul.

Eating in America Suck #2

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Americans have an unhealthy obsession with plastic and it has to stop.  I do not understand why so much disposable plastic is produced and wasted by everyone all the time.  EVERYONE ALL THE TIME!

Why does everything have to be wrapped in plastic?  People feel a weird sense of security when their food comes all bundled up like a chirstmas package.  Please do not let the outside world touch my food!  This food has been grown in a labaratory and has never been exposed to human hands, or pollution, or chemicals, or dirt of any kind.

A few examples:

Please be sure that you do not place any naturally wrapped food (which will peeled prior to cooking or consumption) directly on that dirty, god forsaken conveyor belt at the supermarket.  That thing is made out of rubber, and you know what they say about rubber.  Rubber really gets around.  Its nothing like pristine plastic.  Plastic is super clean.  Godly clean.  Pastic wrap is pretty much the closest thing to god that we have.  Nothing like that devil rubber conveyor belt that has touched literally everyone else’s food.  Gross.

For bulk buying, or food service demands, that thin membrane of the grocery store plastic bag isn’t strong enough to support the contents in the bag.  So please put fragile contents in a cardboard box.  But you know what they say about cardboard boxes, they are unreliable.  So mind as well wrap that cardboard box in plastic.  Godly plastic saves the day again!

I am not joking or exaggerating.  Plastic bags placed in boxes that are wrapped in plastic.  This is like normal.  Every day.

Oh, it continues, this PLASTIC rant.

Be sure to save the uncooked/unconsumed/ unused product in plastic.  As for your leftover dinner, be sure to also cover that in plastic.  That way, when you go to reheat it in the microwave, all you have to do is press a button.  Or course it is perfectly safe to eat things out of plastic.  Plastic is godly, and definitely does not cause cancer.

Clean up is a breeze when everthing is wrapped in plastic.  You don’t have ANY dishes to do whatsoever.  Simply take the plastic, and put it in the plastic garbage can that is lined conveniently with a plastic bag.  Dont worry, the plastic will disapear completely with no threat of getting into our food supply.  It’s magic, it’s godly.

So much plastic you can’t even imagine, I know.  It is sick.  We have a plastic problem.