Tag: fear

Individual Eating

The fear of sharing food, and the American standard of everyone getting their own plate is strange, yet this weird and selfish eating style is never addressed. Each plate is composed like a miniature meal.  You go to a restaurant and order your meal, it’s meant for you and you only.  You have to ask the person you are dining with for a bite of their plate.  It’s ridiculous.  You should decide what sounds good for the group, and the restaurant brings the food out as it is ready and you dig in.

The fear of sharing food permeates into the shared plate movement found at tapas places, where still we get it wrong.  One large plate is brought out, yet people insist on putting a small portion on a small individual plate before bringing it to their mouths.  Like setting it down momentarily somehow is polite.  It’s like if you eat out of the serving bowl you are a barbarian.  Instead people take tiny spoonful’s and place them on a lonely side plate, insuring that the food gets cold immediately. Really you are ruining the integrity of the dish.  You are two people sitting next to each other, you might be on a date, you probably just had that persons tongue in your mouth 30 minutes ago, but god forbid you eat out of the same bowl.  Horrifying.  What are you so afraid of?  Why we feel the need to create so much distance between ourselves and our food?

Eating is supposed to be unifying, to bring everyone closer together, to share something as a collective, to create a bond.   Instead, we give everyone their own personalized plate that has no direct correlation to any other dishes.  You can go out to a restaurant and everyone is eating something completely different from one another, inspired cuisine from all around the globe.  Everyone pretends to like their plate, but really everyone is envious of what everyone else is eating.  We need to get back to family style dining, where what’s for dinner is not a negotiated globally treaty.

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Dear Diary, A Teenage Inspired Adult Entry

I need a lot of wine to function, I need a many a taco to operate.

I need a hot passion and a cool demeanor to balance my feung shui soul.

I need your heavy hug and I need your soft skin to calm my stormy weather.

Do porcupines cuddle? Is softness just an abstract?  They say that you like the way a person smells when you like them personally. Do you like the way someone feels when you like them?

I want to be excited but I am afraid.  Afraid of failure, afraid of waking up early, afraid of making ugly art, afraid of being bland, afraid of being too bold.  I am afraid of making spelling mistakes, I am afraid that my outfit is too eccentric, I am afraid that I have nothing to say. I am afraid of running out of ideas, I am afraid that my concepts are crumbling.  I am afraid of not prioritizing properly, I am afraid of butterfingers.

I want to feel excited and pumped and so sure that I am making a winner.  Something super cool.  Something that people will get excited about.  Something sweet, but not too sweet that you miss the subtly involved in creating superb experience.

Today I tremble.  Tomorrow I hope to be bravely bold and smoothly savvy.

A Change is Going to Come

Tomorrow I am going to say a few words that are going to change my life.  I know its going to happen because I am the one deciding to follow the opportunity for a new job.  So tomorrow I am going to tell my current kitchen adios, its been short and mostly fun.

I am afraid to do it because I know that it is very unexpected, and I don’t want to say goodbye to my friends.  I feel like I am sitting at a point where I am going to tip into a new direction, but nobody else around me knows that the mountain is going to roll with a different slope.  I have changed my life so many times that it’s daunting because I know what is in store.  I am not sure I want to do it again.  Start afresh and anew, undo everything just to redo it in another manner.  Close the shop, move everything, unpack, get resettled and acquainted with the surroundings, develop a bond with the people around.

Since attending pastry school 5 years ago, I have lived 4 different apartments and have worked in (kiki’s, custom house, girl and the goat, publican, farmhouse, province, cicchetti, deleece, now la sirena) 9 kitchens.  That is a lot of life change for one girl.  This constant shifting and continual movement is making me quite tired.  I am exhausted of starting over, of turning the page over again and seeing a white sheet.

Am I afraid to do it again?  Yeah, kinda.  Am I excited?  I am too tired to fully answer that question right now.  Truthfully I am not entirely sure how the situation is going to unravel, I cannot predict what the reaction will be.

Today was the last day to be simply today, par for the course, clear sailing, everything is just like it normally is for a Saturday.  Tomorrow we set sail for a new course, to chase a new star.