Tag: personal growth

T Minus Countdown

Ok everyone, so it’s the last official day before we officially start serving the general public with their opinions and their impressions and their reviews.  Am I nervous?  I would say terrified is more appropriate of a feeling.  Am I starting out with safe desserts?  Crowd pleasers that are tried, tested, and true?  Well, no, obviously.  That would be too easy.  There is risk involved, there is a good chance of failure.

Things not helping my anxiety:  the boys are killing it with their dishes and their execution.  These are professionals with professional tongues.  Every time I taste the food, my ego is like “what the fuck are you doing here?”  I have wanted this for a very long time, I have worked very hard to get here. I have the training, the education, the creativity, the work ethic, the vision, yet still, I feel unprepared, and no amount of work will make me feel prepared.  After a 6 month build up, and 3 weeks of work til you drop, the focus of a med school student, I still feel like a wet lost dog.

Thanks for listening everyone, see you on the hot side of the counter.

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Dear Diary, A Teenage Inspired Adult Entry

I need a lot of wine to function, I need a many a taco to operate.

I need a hot passion and a cool demeanor to balance my feung shui soul.

I need your heavy hug and I need your soft skin to calm my stormy weather.

Do porcupines cuddle? Is softness just an abstract?  They say that you like the way a person smells when you like them personally. Do you like the way someone feels when you like them?

I want to be excited but I am afraid.  Afraid of failure, afraid of waking up early, afraid of making ugly art, afraid of being bland, afraid of being too bold.  I am afraid of making spelling mistakes, I am afraid that my outfit is too eccentric, I am afraid that I have nothing to say. I am afraid of running out of ideas, I am afraid that my concepts are crumbling.  I am afraid of not prioritizing properly, I am afraid of butterfingers.

I want to feel excited and pumped and so sure that I am making a winner.  Something super cool.  Something that people will get excited about.  Something sweet, but not too sweet that you miss the subtly involved in creating superb experience.

Today I tremble.  Tomorrow I hope to be bravely bold and smoothly savvy.

The Pessimistic Pen

111 posts and still my spelling is showing no signs of improvement.  In fact, it has gotten worse. I still have to struggle through every word, I still get letters mixed up and misaligned.  I thought that all this practice in the exact order of written communication would help my memory, would help jump start the motor to phonetics, but no.  It has made me more confident to make errors, to triple check every word less of a frightful panic.

I never thought I would say this, but thank god for voice typing, I can’t wait until I get enough confidence in technology or under go the demagnetification process for my fingers to tackle this new feat.

I love the written word, but lord does it scare me.

Chameleon

Art is about having a vision, expressing your stylistic mind, and being flexible with your grandiose designs.  A concept can be amazing, but sometimes in practicality the idea does not pan out.  Creativity is about being fluid, not getting too caught up in the one direction that you thought would drive your boat, steer your car, build your model empire.

I want to be successful, I want to make things so delicious that it is magazine worthy, that gives a lasting impression on your taste buds and also on your imagination.  I had an idea, I thought about it a lot and hard and in many ways.  I try not to get married to an idea without the proper courtship, but when an idea is born you get attached.  The concept was solid, the individual components were stellar, but together the harmony was wrong.

I have great taste, but if the final play does not match the concept, it is time to tweak.  Not start over, or consider the idea a failure, you have to be flexible and confident enough to come up with a new strategy.

Do not consider yourself a failure because it didn’t work out the first, second, or hundredth time.  I want to be perfect the first time so bad, that I have to remind myself that art is an evolution, and being successful takes a lot of patience.  Creativity is knowing when something is wrong, and coming up with new ideas to lead your project in a different direction.  You might surprise yourself with the new, unintended outcome.

Art is growth, simplicity is complicated, and rules are fluid.

Today was a learning and humbling day, but through this process you gather strength in your artistic eye and salivating mind.

The Poor Man’s Slow Hustle #2

The red line speeds its way through the tunnel, creating a machine roar that echoes through the bustling city.  The train’s loud cries are a part of daily life, it is the sound of progress, of facilitating hard work, getting it done as that saying once went (years ago when the red neck movement was hip)

The train is affordable, reliable, and sometimes very speedy.  Except of course, once the red line passes the Addison stop, all of this modern progress and hype is simply thrown out the window. Once it passes that last stop of dignity, the train simply gives up on life.  It moves slower then a grandma towards a sale at target.  The hustle in the step is so quickly forgotten, and the monetary unfortunate are left to the fumes that the train has left to unjet us home.  It moves so slow that it is just a little bit faster than walking.

The wealthy people who live further north of the select downtown and midtown stops, they take the purple line.  That train was invented for rich people.  The purple lines runs right next to all the stops north of addition, but will never ever stop at any of them.

In this slow desert of transport, I sit impatiently waiting for the most unambitious train to heave me home.

the poor man’s slow hustle

Its hard to be creative when you are always tired.  Where is the inspiration when even mundane movements are gruesome?  Where is the hope when the justice of any pay off is not there?

I am afraid of working too hard because it is going to make Marigold dull.

I am afraid of loosing her sharp edge with the dulling intensity of work.

-Me

Scrambled Eggs

It’s not that I am dyslectic

It’s that I get excited and jump ahead.

I don’t care about the exact order right now.

It’s not like I don’t understand the analytics of phonetic jig

I just don’t really care.

Does dyslectic entail being too concerned with the entire parade instead of those tiny details of tiny letters?

How did the Egyptians do it with the superbly detailed drawn language?

Cursive, the lazy man’s scribble,

is seriously a lot of work.