Category: advertising

Internet Dating

Spotify knows me WAY better than google.

Get a clue looser, it’s not working.  You don’t appeal to me, or Marinara, Mari Mari, and we all know Marigold’s stance on google’s impression.  Nobody is dazzled with your understanding of any of my personalities.  I would say that I give you a lot of material to work with, but you are only appealing to… I don’t even know.  I don’t understand your angle, google.

That Spotify, though, has it going on.  It has my taste down better that I even know.  I thought that I didn’t have a type, with my wide range of personalities, but Spotify does not see this Gemini trait as restrictive. It works with my wide open field of musical tastes, and comes up with recommendations that I love even more I could know on my own.  That is what we call boyfriend material.  It will recommend to me my favorite songs that I have forgotten about, new ones that I cannot live without.

Google is a creep, but Spotify is super cute.  Probably strong too.

Ruby Darling

I name lots of things that are important to me.  It’s fun, it gives material things the importance they deserve with a name.  They are tools and machines that make life not just easier and simpler, but so much more.   More fun, they are a means for creativity, visual enhancement for the sake of beauty, a vehicle to aid in daily life, a lens of self-expression.  As I think about naming my new camera, I am reminded the names of things I have, how they came about, and why they are important.

I have already published a dissertation on Turnip, my white bike.  Turnips two-wheeled counterpart is Pauline.  She is a purple Schwinn cruiser with purple sparkly handle bars, the original S on the seat, and a large basket in the front.  She is named after a song, for the lyric “everything is so easy for Pauline.”  That’s the cruisers mantra, great for a lazy summer days, gliding around town.

But Ruby Darling.  Ruby Darling is one of my most prized possessions, an unpredictably perfect machine for me, a travel sized companion to whom I can tell all my secrets.  She keeps none of them.  Ruby Darling is my means to spill my guts to the world, to preserve my feelings, emotions, thoughts, ideas, and odd expressions to anybody out there.  Ruby Darling files and organizes, she processes and simplifies.  She checks my spelling and everything.  She not only communicates to the world at large, she keeps my friendships burning and my professional life spinning.  Ruby Darling pours out the song in my spirit, keeps the music playing all day long.

Ruby Darling, without your technological glow as a guiding light, I might feel lost.

Ruby Darling’s real life name is Surface Pro 2, a nice sorta fickle tablet that is perfect for this nice sorta fickle gal.

Eating in America Sucks #3

Ketchup.

Heinz ketchup.

Heinz ketchup has single-handedly brainwashed every American.  Do not ever say foodie to me, ever, because I swear that you do want ketchup on that damn fine burger.  Don’t give me this a ‘hot dog doesn’t get ketchup’ bullshit when Heinz is in every kitchen across ‘Merica, from casual dinner, to upscale diner, to Artisanal burger bar, to high-end restaurants.

The thing is, nobody wants house made ketchup.  Every one secretly and openly wants Heinz.  Not the 27 variety spiel, just that one uniquely bland taste of tomato paste and corn syrup goodness.

Because everyone is addicted to sugar, that smooth sweet paste is craved by all.  Even you.

Hence we are all brain washed.  It has created such an understated niche monopoly on food culture, that we are hesitate even to notice how pervasive this product is.  Understand, there is no other ketchup. Heinz is ketchup like Bandaid is bandage and Rollerblades are inline skating.

I think it is time to buy stock in this company.

Wednesday Rant

God love advertising.  I love that the personalize ads that show up on every website you visit is geared towards either food or sex. How come colored pencil ads never pop up?  Where is the art?  If the Oracle knows everything about my life, how come it doesn’t try to appeal to Marigold?  I spend way more time on marigold than underwear.

What’s up, google, you creep?

Get a better clue.

-Mari Mari

Matrix meets Dr. Who

ARE YOU AFRIAD THAT GOOGLE IS GOING TO START TO READ YOUR MIND?  Ads already filter your thoughts by deducing what you want based on purchases and websites you visit… what happens when google/oracle skips the search field step and does it for you?  By thinking about what to ask the oracle, the search engine complies and compiles a list of everything you might need to know about said pondered topic.

Sound so convenient and practical and like something I would use, but like creepy.

Creepy.

I am a little scared.

Do you think that you can impose a restraining order against google?

Food for thought?