I wonder if I tried harder when I was younger to be pretty, how different would my life be now? I worked hard my whole life, but the payoff is not there. It doesn’t really matter, I make no money and am only relatively happy. What if I put that much energy into beauty, feminism, socializing, and flirting? Would I be married with a good looking and relatively successful husband? Would we have children and move away?
I look at my skin, and its worn. Its red and splotchy, its blue and looks like a permanent bruise. My finger nails are raggedy, my manicure has been reduced down to a 4 finger paint job, my hands ashy. You say, well at least you know how to cook, that goes a long way. But it doesn’t really. People eat out, people eat pasta and cereal and are content with that. Who cares about a gourmet Paleo breakfast and dinner over having a successful partner that owns designer shoes, someone who can afford the time and money to get a massage, go to the gym, make salon appointments, drink high class wine, can go on vacation with you.
I can’t help but wonder how different things would be if I tried harder to be a female, instead of seeing self adornment as a waste of time. I have been a beauty minimalist most my life, with the most time and money spent on outward appearance being currently. I don’t see it as a waste or silly or unimportant or as a way to continually suppress the female by keeping her distracted. I see it as power, as a way to dominate and gain respect, as a way to better oneself.