Tag: change

Deceptive Desires and Delusive Dreams

Sometimes you change only to remain the same.  Nothing appears to be different, everything still behaves the same, but something has been influenced, something has shifted, nudge a little, despite similar outward appearances.  Not everything is so obvious.

Sometimes the lesson in your mistakes remains a mystery.  You didn’t learn anything, you haven’t grown an inch, the only thing is that you feel like a fool.  Not every lesson can be studied.

The rules have never been fair, and you have to cheat to win.  But karma is king so watch that fancy step.

You will never find what you are looking for as long as you keep a watchful eye open.  Once you go blind to your wishes, they will stare you in the face. As soon as you give up, you will get the winning hand.

You can’t want what you really want, you have to make it up as you go along.  Life is full of surprises and you have to keep an open mind to what you get.

 

 

Chasing Circles

Fall’s destruction is a means of recreating.  Fall is so beautiful, like the curiosity in a baby, but it is so unnerving like the breaking of a piece of art.  Fall has to be divinely beautiful to ease the transition from sunny paradise to the brutal hug of winter.  In this transitional time, we are broken apart and smashed to ruins like an east coast earthquake.  The thought of building it all back up again is daunting, seemingly impossible.  Is it even worth that burst of exploding energy to recreate again?  It is tiring, all this change, all the beauty around.

Coffee is not seemingly enough to want to conquer these diamond dreams lately.  I am being dragged down with Fall’s heavy and demanding hand.  I sleep, I stretch, I seek the sun, I await the wheels of change to start to flow again.  To find that spark to start the construction, the jump to get my heart racing, to finally get sick of the simple.  I want to overcomplicate my plate once again, but even the espresso seems to have gotten weaker.

The circles of creativity and growth, in this season of change you have to be content with the sluggish shuffle of self fulfillment, but still dream with a translucent shimmer over your monotone eyes.  Out of this rubble a better version is going to be unsurfaced, more rubies will be formed, more colors will be created, more complicated structures will dominate like a Dr. Seuss city.

A Change is Going to Come

Tomorrow I am going to say a few words that are going to change my life.  I know its going to happen because I am the one deciding to follow the opportunity for a new job.  So tomorrow I am going to tell my current kitchen adios, its been short and mostly fun.

I am afraid to do it because I know that it is very unexpected, and I don’t want to say goodbye to my friends.  I feel like I am sitting at a point where I am going to tip into a new direction, but nobody else around me knows that the mountain is going to roll with a different slope.  I have changed my life so many times that it’s daunting because I know what is in store.  I am not sure I want to do it again.  Start afresh and anew, undo everything just to redo it in another manner.  Close the shop, move everything, unpack, get resettled and acquainted with the surroundings, develop a bond with the people around.

Since attending pastry school 5 years ago, I have lived 4 different apartments and have worked in (kiki’s, custom house, girl and the goat, publican, farmhouse, province, cicchetti, deleece, now la sirena) 9 kitchens.  That is a lot of life change for one girl.  This constant shifting and continual movement is making me quite tired.  I am exhausted of starting over, of turning the page over again and seeing a white sheet.

Am I afraid to do it again?  Yeah, kinda.  Am I excited?  I am too tired to fully answer that question right now.  Truthfully I am not entirely sure how the situation is going to unravel, I cannot predict what the reaction will be.

Today was the last day to be simply today, par for the course, clear sailing, everything is just like it normally is for a Saturday.  Tomorrow we set sail for a new course, to chase a new star.