The Conditions of Choice

All I want to do is whatever I want.  In work, in adulthood, in friendships.  This is what makes me happy, always has, since childhood.  Back in the day I was the happiest when I could wear whatever the fuck I wanted to.  I wore the strangest outfits, based on textures and feeling over corresponding colors and shapes.

Of course you can’t always do whatever you want, there are situational restraints and most of the time you have to prove yourself worthy and trustful to be able to get away with doing whatever the fuck it is to keep you happy and satisfied.  At work, you have to be autonomous, self-motivated, responsible, smart, trustworthy, practical, sustainable, and underpaid certainly.  It takes all of that, plus time, and most importantly, luck.

With adulthood doing whatever the fuck you want means that you have to have the structure to support it.  Without that structure, you cannot be free to move about, to dance around.  Most importantly, you have to keep yourself well fed.  If you keep up with the groceries and cooking, you don’t have to worry so much about this essential duty.  Eating out all the time is not the answer, this does not make you free not does it provide you with a sense of security and happiness.  Its fine once in a while, but for the majority, the more you can cook at home, the more independent you can be.  Its your schedule, and most importantly you know what is going into your body.  Home cooking saves money with is great for independence.  It keeps you healthy, which gives you inspiration and energy to do those things that you choose.

Cleanliness also helps.  If you look around and see a nice space you have room to move about to explore, to tear down and create an empire.

With friendships its about love and respect.  But also it is about taking that tie to see friends, to explore their interests.  It is a two way street, this part of giving allows you space to interact freely, to not be held down by cultural clichés or self conscious scripts.

I am talking about doing what you want all the time, not about getting heat you want.  This is a mood, a feeling, a concept.  This does not apply to material means, physical objects, tangible dreams come true.  It is a choice, and this is the on the I pick.


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