You look at construction workers tryin’ to puzzle a piece into place, and you wonder, how?  How can these seemingly buffoons be building things so integral, so influential, so grand?   I wouldn’t trust these people to walk my imaginary dog.  I don’t think they could fix my toilet.  Why do we trust them to construct monstrous projects, to connect vital links in this functioning world, to construct an entire hidden infrastructure full of moving parts and near catastrophes?  To change the skyline, to tear down the natural world in order to construct a new one?  These men, old school, outdated, and detached, are figuring out individual solutions that connect to a much larger and unify city scheme.  These tradesmen trying to get on by like you and me, can impact the world more than you and me combined.

I do not understand how the world keeps its balance, sometimes

The world will always focus on the negative, that is why you must always focus on the positive.  Nobody is going to tell you all things right that you are doing, instead your critiques will be criticisms.  Its never a biased opinion, the feedback you get from the battling outside world, its slightly skewed towards that catch 22.

You remind yourself every night and right in the morning the light behind your eyes and the perception of personal greatness.  You locate the strength behind your soul, and you face the long swim upstream once again.

Find the balance, humility v ego.  This is where confidence comes from.  To be assured that you can deal with an array of situations, whichever stumbles your way.  Confidence is not letting the negative drag you down, not letting your horse get too high off the ground.

All I want to do is whatever I want.  In work, in adulthood, in friendships.  This is what makes me happy, always has, since childhood.  Back in the day I was the happiest when I could wear whatever the fuck I wanted to.  I wore the strangest outfits, based on textures and feeling over corresponding colors and shapes.

Of course you can’t always do whatever you want, there are situational restraints and most of the time you have to prove yourself worthy and trustful to be able to get away with doing whatever the fuck it is to keep you happy and satisfied.  At work, you have to be autonomous, self-motivated, responsible, smart, trustworthy, practical, sustainable, and underpaid certainly.  It takes all of that, plus time, and most importantly, luck.

With adulthood doing whatever the fuck you want means that you have to have the structure to support it.  Without that structure, you cannot be free to move about, to dance around.  Most importantly, you have to keep yourself well fed.  If you keep up with the groceries and cooking, you don’t have to worry so much about this essential duty.  Eating out all the time is not the answer, this does not make you free not does it provide you with a sense of security and happiness.  Its fine once in a while, but for the majority, the more you can cook at home, the more independent you can be.  Its your schedule, and most importantly you know what is going into your body.  Home cooking saves money with is great for independence.  It keeps you healthy, which gives you inspiration and energy to do those things that you choose.

Cleanliness also helps.  If you look around and see a nice space you have room to move about to explore, to tear down and create an empire.

With friendships its about love and respect.  But also it is about taking that tie to see friends, to explore their interests.  It is a two way street, this part of giving allows you space to interact freely, to not be held down by cultural clichés or self conscious scripts.

I am talking about doing what you want all the time, not about getting heat you want.  This is a mood, a feeling, a concept.  This does not apply to material means, physical objects, tangible dreams come true.  It is a choice, and this is the on the I pick.