Category: advertising

Realistic Image

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Advertising is everywhere.  I was listening to a podcast and the program challenged the audience to count how many advertisements they saw in a single day.  I have not accepted this particular challenge because I am not sure that I can count that high.

I know that everywhere you look companies are trying to trick you into buying something. This is a fact that I accepted a long time ago, and I can say that for most of the time advertisements don’t really work on me.  Not only because I don’t have extra spending money, but also because I know its a trick.  And mostly I don’t want extra stuff.  I like my space to not be cluttered and I hate getting rid of something that I spent money on.  Blame it on my Dutch heritage, but I am a true penny pincher.

The worst part of advertising is the unreal portrayal of female beauty.  So much of your worth of a female is based on your looks.  For men, it is based on how much money you make in life, but for the female, it is about weight, makeup, skin, boobs, hair, jewelry, fashion, and shoes.  I know that the images are photoshopped, I know that the models are teenagers, I know that a lot of women get boob jobs- but my knowledge does not matter.  I still compare- I still look at myself naked in the mirror and pinch my fat, lift up my boobs, consider spray tanning, I want to dye my hair, I need to stay on my diet.

I am lucky though because these are passing thoughts, then I get dressed and remind myself that I am hilarious, charming, and one of a kind.  I don’t need a certain pant size to make an impact in the world, I don’t need the perfect body to find love.

It’s not because I am more mature than women around, it is because I am a realist, because I live in the world and I look around.  This is one reason that I am glad that I live in a city, it gives a larger base of comparison.  I look around and I see how women actually look, and I see very few models.

But what about the ladies who live in smaller towns, who don’t have the comparison with the world at large?  These are the women who I feel for, who only have ads as a base for their self-worth.

 

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Valentine

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Every single day, I get a valentine from GrubHub. Every day, without me ever replying or even opening a metaphorical window with a simple click, GrubHub send me a love letter via electronic mail.  So many unread and unanswered letters sit in my mailbox, gathering dust.

I don’t read them, I never have.

This unwavering dedication of getting my attention is something I have never experienced until advertising got a hold of me through electronic means. My mailbox at home has never gotten this much attention.  Just a glance is all GrubHub wants. Just a reminder like hey, I’m here and waiting for you.

But this is not the way to my heart.  It is true, that food is the way to the heart.  But even with the promise of someone cooking for me, delivering it right into my hands, having no cleanup, the ability to get virtually anything under the sun, I repeatedly shut it down.

I am hoping the GrubHub will take the subtle hint, but there is worried part of me that thinks this will go on for a long time.  Can you get a restraining order against a website?  How do you break up with a machine?  How do you follow a harassment suit against automated messages?

Although I am a terrible client, GrubHub does not care.  I know that tomorrow, and the next day, and forever on, GrubHub will never forget me.

I will never give my heart to you, Grub Hub. I have given my heart to a refrigerator full of fresh produce, marinating meat, stocked high with leftovers, and crammed full of bubblers.

 

Watered Down

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Dear people of the millennial clan,

Is La Croix going to water down the term used to describe every other brand of sparkling water, just like how Coca-Cola has replaced the words soda and pop, not to mention any competing brand names like Pepsi and RC?  Like how Band-Aid means a sticky bandage? I don’t even know the nonbranded way to ask for a Band-Aid. Is La Croix going to be the new Rollerblade of in-line skating?  Is La Croix going to be the Kleenex of nose tissues?

I am just wondering because I have come to love, truly, calling all sparkling water bubblers.  Can we just decide to say “bubbler” instead of “La Croix?

Yours Truly,

Marigold.

Appetizing

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Why are people eating Tide Pods? You know the dishwasher tabs, a type of soap you put in a machine that washes your dishes so that your hands don’t get wet?

And why do I even have to ask this question?  Throughout history, people consistently say that the world is the most crazy at that certain time, but does this not take the cake?

I did, I fucking googled “why are people eating tide pods?” because I was too embarrassed to actually ask someone.   I am just the type of person you would expect to ask this question: a very un-tech savvy mid-30’s lady who is pretty much consistently in a bathrobe.  Yes, I actually type into the google search box: why are people eating tide pods?  Question mark and all- I just HAD to know.

And you know what I found out?  Nothing.  I still have no idea why people are eating dishwasher tabs.  One explanation is that they vaguely resemble candy.  An explanation which raises even more questions than it proposes to answer, but I do not have time to dissect this new wormhole right now. What I do know is that I have read about it enough times to google the Tide Pod phenomena.

The Mystery will remain until someone takes the time to explain it to me.  But since you didn’t ask, here is my explanation:

“The internet is not making us smarter, and this is the evidence. Direct fucking evidence.  No need to litigate, this question is sufficient proof to win the case of “The Value of the Internet V Reading a Book.”

Smartphones are making us addicted to their bright screens and moving content, but all this fluidity is keeping us distracted enough to not actually care about the content.  We just like to dive into the internet zone- a place where we are entertained in whatever fashion we fancy,  distracted from the world around us where we can judge other people’s bad life decisions, a comforting spot where we can put off our chores and the horrors of having to take care of oneself.  Smartphones with their vivid screens are addictive- the more you dig, the deeper you need to go.

We use our smartphones for everything and all the time.  It has become an extension of the self to such an astonishing degree.  One does not do anything without the phone in hand-eat, poop, socialize.  ne does not leave the house without the phone in the pocket, one does not ride the train without eyes glued to the glowing screen, one does not waste time in any other way besides the comforting hand-hug of that indispensable phone. Many people sleep with them in bed at night.  When was the last time your trusty phone has left your side?  When was the last time you left it out of arm’s reach intentionally?

It’s like why read Shakespeare when there is Netflix?”

-Marigold

The Battle of the Apps

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The McDonald’s app is more popular than Spotify.  This statement is not an opinion, it is the truth.  What sort of society do we live in where a fast “food” app can beat out music?  Ok so you need to eat to live, but you need music to be happy.  Plus McDOnalds isn’t really food, it’s a substance that mimics food.  Plus, it is not cheap.  Fast food may have been once upon a time a viable option to save money, but you can get a meal way cheaper via other means.  I can cook a meal for a family for $5.  If you are taking the family out to McDOnalds its going to be over $20.  And you are going to be hungry in 2 hours because it is not filling and not offering your body any sort of nutrition.  I can understand a craving and convenience, but the popularity is astounding.

Spotify is roughly $10 a month for endless streaming of music, style to fit any taste bud, and the best part is that is even suggests music for you.  Does McDonald’s suggest more food options for you?  No, it doesn’t.  It offers sandwiches and things out of the fryer.  Also, you can connect to friends and see what they are listening to for further musical inspiration.  Does McDonald’s provided nearly endless entertainment and strengthen the bonds with your friends?  No, it doesn’t.  It makes you fat and keeps you hungry.  Spotify, however, will at times force you to dance yourself clean, dance yourself into some much needed exercise in these winter months, dance yourself into a great mood when this sunless time gets you down.

Let’s get our priorities straight, you hungry and musically starved people

Grandma Still Knows Best

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Sometimes new inventions humor me, because I am like duh.  There’s this new thing about weighted blankets, and how studies show that this helps reduce stress because it is like being swaddled as an infant.

Did we really need a scientific study and a corresponding article to spell this out?  Plus why is this a new revelation?  Of course a heavy blanket makes you feel like you are being hugged tightly throughout the long, cold, and solitary night.  Its called an afghan, like your grandma used to knit, that is heavy and wraps you in ever present tight arms, smells like comfort, feels as soft as your favorite sweater.

Maybe this is new news because of the raising popularity of down comforters, fluffy as a cloud, warm as  an insulated igloo, as light as the dawn’s first rays.  It’s a great invention, but if you want to be held all night long like a child in a rocking chair, give gram’s a call.

Sometimes innovation is great, sometimes new innovation is repetitive.

Sleep good everyone, whether it is under a cloud of hot air, a family heirloom, or newly invented weighted blanket.

Feminism, Football, Capitalism, and Cancer, All together

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Abstract:

Ok so as it turns out, the “pink out” that the NFL supports to raise money for breast cancer (everyone wears pink, therefore they buy pink things, and those profits cure cancer) is not actually raising money that is helping boobs win the cancer battle.  Where the money goes is towards community awareness.  Awareness, as you are aware, does not solve problems.  Research, science, healthy eating, a non sedentary life style, and open mindedness to finding a solution are the solution.

Objective:

Concerning the NLF’s largely popular campaign “Pink Out” during the month of October and the accusation that this program is not actually doing anything productive to cure cancer found in the breast tissue of women.

  1. I am not surprised and neither should you be.
  2. The reason why it is so popular is because football is intrinsically boring and anything that might add excitement to this game of waiting is welcomed with pom pom enthusiastic arms.
  3. This proves that there exists a potential audience for females, and there is a lot of money to be made.  Football is geared to men and woman who want to impress men or at least have a common interest.  But it is not intrinsically geared towards women.

All advertisers and business know that the women spend money.  So here are Marigold’s ideas on how to make football more approachable to women, therefore at least doubling the spectator volume which in turn brings in more revenue, while simultaneously making this all-American sport more entertaining.

Ready?

Uniforms.  Change the ugly, hideous, beyond bland and never changing uniforms to something that, I don’t know, actually make the athletes look sexy? Not like a light sack of blubbery garbage? They are fully covered in spandex, and is it horrifying.  HORRIFYING.  God not only do you have to wait on average 20 minutes for anything to actually happen, you actually have to watch overweight men in KHAKI skin colored spandex lean over with their ass in high definition.  Vogue won’t even put the hottest woman with the derriere of the year in flesh colored tights.  Yet, here, we have a team of men wearing the most deplorable outfit ever constructed.  Please, give me something not only repulsive, but sexy.  There are very good looking, athletic men, running around, sweating and yelling and dancing, please let’s focus on sexifying that man!  Let us focus on fashion and style and trend in this untouched worlds of sports. Show him up close with fake balls even.  Stuff that junk!  Oh don’t be so stuffy, women do it all the time with their lips and their boobs, with the high heals impossible to walk in shoes and the make-up.  We put on a good show and have a good time doing it, let’s see those beautiful and tough men out on a real show for everyone.

Let’s turn the tables and make money.

Oh, still concerned about raising money for breast cancer? Skip the pink shirt, bandana, and banner and donate money to cancer research.

Food Writing Upgrade

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Not to focus the full fury of Marigold’s spite directly at one particular website, but the thesis of this particular argument is one that supports a more diverse amount of websites to deal with said issue.  There really is only one in which to point the digital finger, and that lucky contestant is Yelp.

Restaurants hate Yelp because it is the opinion of the ignorant masses.  The public also is over Yelp because it does not offer well balanced advice.   Yet consumers continue to use the website because they don’t know where else to go for a quick and informed decision on where to eat dinner, lunch, a quick snack, who offers breakfast.  There are so many restaurants in the big city, and so many contingents to evaluate.  Hungry people pour over stranger’s opinions and place their fate in what to order based on this amateur information.

The fact that Yelp is so popular and so mediocre goes to show that we need to have more food writers, more restaurant critics, and more websites that can digest this giant culinary scene for the hungry and rushed masses.  There needs to be more information offered up in the reviews, such as where is good for a group, where is good for a casual encounter, where is good for a quiet date, where is good for music, where is good to dine alone.  What places focus on healthy food, what places have small portions or large plates.  Where should you take your mom?  All of these fields of inquiry are important, but instead of having an informative amount of information provided, we get endless pictures of food and chef gossip.

We need more food professionals, more writers for digestion.

Whimiscal Beer, I Am In

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If hops are of the cannabis family, then we have to assume that beer used to be brewed with THC on a consistent basis for thousands of years.  That is not a shocking assumption to be made.  Like hops, pot is easy to grow, its kinda like a weed.

Contemporarily, home brewers experiment with this idea, but this is too small.  Dry hopping THC into beer does not need to be relegated to your closet fermentation.  It needs to storm the market, be a thing.  A trend packaged and all dolled up, pushed about the young and adventurous, to be popular and the largest party hit.  The people will love it.

Colorado, where are you on this project?  You better hurray up and dominate the market, else America’s high five is going to steal it from you.

Hop Ya Later

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Americans do not have the best taste, but they certainly have the best influence on worldly culture.

I am not sure how the west coast hop craze has overtaken the palate of the so called sophisticated beer aficionados, but the why does not matter.  What matters here is how this dominant influence of dry and dominating, one dimensional flavor has quickly and subtly changed the beers that I know and love.  Sounds like a terrible date, why would you want to put that description on your tongue.  You would never even give that guy a first chance.  <shivers>

They have gotten more hoppy.  All of them.  Craft beers, old standbys, well-know favorites, new creations. All of them.  All beer has changed in style like the latest fashion trend.  All of the good, well rounded, malty with a touch of hoppy, benevolent ESBs from the English country side, the hefty bastard from Scotland, has drifted towards the side of the west coast.  It’s not that my tongue has been burned by consumption of hops over the years, that is not how it works.  My tongue is not burned, honestly beer has become more bitter. It is leaning away from the malty goodness, out of partiality, and into the kingdom of the west.

Give me the balance.  Give me the complex.  Give me something that continues to grow as you sip beer after beer.  Like a lays potato chip, nobody has just one.  Let the flavors linger and get to know one another, let’s explore a whole palate of what the beerscape has to offer.

You have watered down the beer taste you assholes.  Stop ruining my life, you American hipsters.