Category: personal growth

Diary of An Optimist

Now is a good time to reassess personal goals that have been previously set.  Now is a good time to get re-motivated to do those things that keep you happy, healthy, energetic, resilient, creative.  Although the year is already half-over, summer has just begun, and there is no better time to steer that ship of personal responsibility in the right direction.

Sometimes you have to wait for something physical to strike in order to get that meta motor turning. Misfortune can be an excellent motivator, pain can be a great coach, and the fear of failing can be a great way to stay focused.

You don’t always have to rely on the momentum of the beginning half of the year, sometimes the renewing of the new year’s vows can be wooed in a day.


Threats of Evaluation

Although I do not adhere to my new year’s resolutions, I still keep the goals steadfast in my mind. While the goals may not be acted out directly, the sketches remain etched in my continual desires to fulfill them.

The year has almost made it half-way around the calendar, and I have not had the most successful track record: wine drinking remains a favorite pastime enhancement, my sugar addiction is gently keeping my attention, the bi-daily stretching often gets stuck in child’s pose, exercise is consistently rained out, my love for aged cheese remains a constant.  Yet, still, I echo the goals of self- restraint, of tea filled evenings, of healthy and delicious dinners, of yoga class, of meditative calm to hum me to sleep.

There is still time to raise the grade to a passing c before mid-term evaluations, young lady, so good luck.


Fake Falling

Feeling frantic and frayed, frazzled and furious.  I guess I am stressed out, but I felt pretty relaxed about it.  I wish I could pretend I was fearless and fierce, but my biggest fault is that I cannot fake my fragile face.  Sometimes I feel lost, seeking to be found in this large experimental world of curious finds.  False fixtures focus on fictitious fallacies, faking fortitude and formulas, freaking out from fun fantasies of famous figments.

Treats for Today

Life, simply, is so good.  What more do you need besides simple satisfying food, a couple great people who inspire you daily, and a stress free early spring afternoon?  These things are virtually priceless, requiring the bare minimum to provide such a feeling of joy.  I complain about money a heavy amount, and I do think that in ways what I don’t have in the bank account values my worth- “what I can do” echoes since fun and experiences make life the most rewarding, it seems, but really, it’s not.  It’s a simple meal, it’s a good connection with the people around, it’s embracing the small treats for yourself that come from a value system defined from within.

The Tendencies of I Am

How many things do I do out of boredom?

I guess if you don’t have to worry about feeding a family, about paying the mortgage, affording the car, making new friends, then you have a lot of time on your hands.  It’s not like I have a lot of time, but when I have any at all,  I get bored.  But boredom is a luxury, and I don’t get it often with all the diversion all abound- there is wine, there is art, there is writing, there is time for reflection.

I used to say that I don’t get bored, but that is a lie.  I am pretty much always bored, that’s why I fill my life with the same tenacity that I fill my work schedule, the same drive that I run my mouth when it is filled with wine.  I always have to be on the go, I lave to always be stalking with my magnetic fingers, with my expressive sentences, with my eclectic thoughts.

This gets me in trouble more than in gets a way to find revenue.  I lacked focus, I lack inspiration, I lack discipline?

I am thankful that I have always been terrible at video games, least my life would be much more stagnant.


How can you have goals if you achieve all of them?  If you reach the moon, then you should have been shooting for Mars.  Goals and dreams, by nature and by definition, are unachievable attainments.

Surround yourself with stars as your backdrop, find serenity with background pars for living.  Seek eagerly for new planetary grounds for possible human colonization but simultaneously be comfortable with what you have glowing all around.


Conscious Creativity

Most creative people see their best work as obvious. Sometimes the answer is right in front of you, but you can’t see it because you are too busy looking around for something seemingly more diverse.  You are looking too hard, trying too hard to be unique, that you end up being strange, weird, unapproachable.

That perfect idea, that light bulb turning on, comes in an instant, it’s just that you don’t know when that instant will come.  The eureka moment happens when your mind is relaxed, after a period of preparation and incubation.  Don’t rush into a concept, think about it, and relax.  The ironic part is that its hard to relax when you have too many ideas, or schedule yourself too tight, or you have a dead line.  Instead of being open to ideas, you are too busy refining everything and trying to make it perfect the first time so that you can save time.

We all know that great things come from mistakes, that your best ideas can come from unintended scenarios.  Conscious creativity is a paradox, so relax and don’t put too much pressure on yourself to be perfect.  Be open to interpretation, be open to change, be open to the obvious.


It is half way through that infamous month dedicated to self improvement, to healthy and fresh eating, to dramatic life style change, to ridding the body of the millions of toxins that have built up since the last great cleanse last year.

I am a little upset at how great I feel, how much energy I have, how perky I feel once I tear myself out of the bond of sleep.  I wish I didn’t feel so dang good, because I can see again how much my fast and loose lifestyle has been bringing me down.

Half way through and I am disillusioned with my new, full dedication at keeping health first and the partying minimal, saved only for real celebrations. I am making all these promises to myself:  I am not going to stress drink, I am not going to spend all my extra money taking cabs and picking up the bar tab, I am not going to get addicted to sugar again, I will not cave and eat out every week.  I will do my stretches daily, I will start to meditate, I will read more.

Come February I am not going to digress back into my normal self, I am going to behave like an adult, I am going to eat great, save money, and go to yoga class with all that I save on tequila and red wine.  Next month, I will not give in to the pressures of fried food, of endless amounts of deliciously aged cheese, of sandwiches piled high with bacon, to fancy expensive cocktails with exotic ingredients.  Next month, you will see, so I hope.

Graduate From Yourself

Validation is very important, but you have to remember to consider the sources.  Not every one is going to do it, even if you are Jesus Christ.  Even if you built the Taj Mahal today would everyone validate your choices and your accomplishment.  It’s important to choose wisely the people from whom you can feel this sense of personal accomplishment.  There is nothing better that a close acquaintance, a life long friend, colleagues whom your respect, a community of shared interests who can recognize and praise that which you do, whatever your art maybe.  Its is important to feel validated from people, but its more important to recognize the source of those who really matter.   This is a unique decision, to pick the people or audience you want to impress, to choose who matters to you and your ego.  The world is never going to tell you whose opinion is the best.  It’s all up to you.

Growing Young

Nobody questions the importance of embracing the imagination of children, promoting their fictitious games, bringing out the silliness in their perception, playing make believe and dress up, reading stories filled with cartoon characters, coloring outside the lines with mismatched colors.  Somewhere, though, when that innocence of childhood is shrugged off, when you learn that life is serious and not a fairytale daydream, when you realize that life hurts, that pain can last, that disappointment is a daily task, we lose the grip of the whimsical, we forgot about imagination, we don’t believe in magic anymore.  Maturing and dealing with this circus named reality is very important in not collapsing under the stress, in not giving into defeat.  We need this foundation to function, but this is the base layer.

After you grow up, you have to grow back down.  You have to grow back into imagination, into not taking everything at face value, at challenging the world around in a creative way, to bring art into every corner.   Not just because it is fun, but because it is inspiring.  If you cannot imagine it, that something will never happen.  Not all dreams come true, but they certainly will not materialize unless you have the mind power to form them.  Playing, drawing, giggling, creating your own fairytale is important.  Don’t let bills and heartbreak scare you away from the whimsical, don’t let the cold world freeze your playful thoughts, don’t let the negative weight of psychology dampen that free spirit.  It’s in there, so let your imagination spring, let your daydreams wander, let your doodles fill up blank pages of computer paper.